Pale and Polygonal: A Tale of Opposites Attracting
by Gandalf15
Summary: Queen Jadis of Narnia and her boyfriend are quite different, but maybe that's why they've become so close. Humorous one-shot.


**(I do not own Gravity Falls or the Chronicles of Narnia. This is what's known as a "crack pairing" and is meant to be humorous. Keep that in mind before reviewing.)**

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Jadis, High Queen of Narnia, strode through the dark blue, creaking doors into her throne room. If anything, it was colder in here than it was outside. This was by design. Jadis liked the cold.

She closed her eyes and, almost inaudibly, sighed. The day had been long, but it had been gratifying. A small would-be rebellion had been stirring down by the Veiled Glade, but some well-displayed petrifications had scattered them all back to cowering in fear. Indeed, the trip there and back had taken much longer than actually quelling the uprising had.

Jadis decided that she needed to see someone, someone who wasn't a slave or minion. Slaves and minions were good, of course, but one eventually got tired of nothing but trembling and cowering by all those around you. With a vacant evening ahead of her, she decided to have some company. She decided to summon her… what was the term he used again?... her "boyfriend".

Her paper-white face turned towards her dwarf guards. "Leave me," she commanded, "and send for my Incantation Staff." The dwarves hurried out of the room, shutting and bolting the doors behind them. Jadis, now alone, relaxed a bit and stretched her arms, loosening up her muscles for the ritual.

After a moment, a door creaked open and a goblin entered, holding her Incantation Staff and a basin. She took them and gestured for him to hurry back out.

When he was gone, Jadis dipped the end of the staff in the basin. It came out dripping with a dark liquid. She touched the end of the staff to the floor and proceeded to draw out a large triangle around her, carefully measured. When she finished this, she drew a circle as close to the dead center of the triangle as she could. Then, she stood back and waited.

For a moment, nothing happened. Then the room filled with a light, a light not of this or any other world, dancing with colors unable to be seen with mortal eyes. The room became, if it was possible, even colder. Jadis held her breath.

Suddenly, her eyes were covered. A voice behind her cheerfully cried "Guess who!"

Her eyes were uncovered, and she turned around. Before her was floating triangle of glowing golden light, its face only a single eye and a bowtie, small arms and legs jutting out at the sides, and a tiny top hat perched on its point.

"Hey, babe!" he cried jovially, despite his lack of a visible mouth. Jadis allowed herself a small smile. "Bill. It is good to see you."

Bill laughed "Oh, come on! 'It is good to see you', ha ha! You were dying to see me, you're crazy about me, you just keep it all inside. I know you, J."

Jadis did not respond to this, instead sitting down on her throne. Bill snapped his fingers and sat down into a comfy chair that had appeared out of thin air.

His eye looked at her. "So, babe, what'cha been up to?" Jadis shrugged a little. "Oh, nothing new really. Keeping this country in its proper place."

Bill nodded as well as a triangle could. "You still got that winter thing going? Feels like you do, pretty chilly."

She nodded. "And what of you, Bill?"

Bill chuckled. "Oh, you know me, if it's not one dimension I'm throwing into chaos, it's another. Say, I just remembered, I brought you something." He held out his hand, and a bouquet appeared in it. "Here, have some Moaning Marigolds." The bouquet groaned.

Jadis took the marigolds and set them by the throne. "Thank you, they're lovely." Bill, without a mouth, still somehow beamed. "I knew you'd like 'em! …ahhh, listen to that lamentation. Really adds to the room."

Jadis smiled again, for the third time that day, which was thrice more than the average smiles in a day for her. Bill straightened his bowtie. "Well, since I'm here, you wanna grab some grub and have a picnic? I know some nice places. There's this one dimension that's having a Three-World War. Pretty awesome. Oh, yeah, and there's another one where the planets are crashing into each other!"

Jadis shook her head. "Did you have anywhere else in mind?" Bill thought for a moment. Then he snapped his fingers. "Oh, I know! There's a world where the sun is dying. It's big, too, takes up half the sky. And all the inhabitants have died out, it'll be just us."

Jadis nodded. "That sounds pleasant."

"Great! Now you stay here, I'll go get the picnic snacks. I'll make sure to have the entrails boiled, just how you like them. Back in a jiffy!" A flash of eldritch light, and he was gone.

Jadis crossed her arms across her lap and waited. She was glad of a chance to go on a quiet, calm picnic. Those other worlds they had considered were more to Bill's liking than hers. While they both loved death, destruction, and domination, Bill thrived on chaos and anarchy, confusion and madness.

She, on the other hand, preferred order and uniformity. That was partially what she liked about never-ending winter, the cold keeping her subjects indoors and at the same place, the glistening snow on the ground much better than all those plants and flowers scattered randomly about.

Yes, she and Bill were quite different. But, perhaps, that was why they had become so close. While she never would have thought herself to be capable of having such feelings for anyone, she found his cunning personality and manic glee for desolation refreshing, and even charming.

She was pulled out of her thoughts when Bill appeared again from a glowing portal, a large picnic basket hovering beside him. "You ready, Ice Queen?"

Jadis got up and held out her hand regally. Bill took it in his own, and they floated through the portal together.

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 **-End-**


End file.
